A Crazy Red Head

Mom & Me on Mother's Day 2013

In 1942 the First Presidency stated: “Motherhood … becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate. … To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood. …

Motherhood is near to divinity.

It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”

One of Satan’s most effective deceptions is to demean the work of wife and mother in the home. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles cautioned that “this is an attack at the very heart of God’s plan. … Don’t be lured away from the plan of our God to the ways of the world, where motherhood is belittled, femininity is decried, and the divinely established role of wife and mother is mocked.”

Prophets have emphasized the importance of mothers devoting their full-time efforts to nurturing their children. But to those who have to work to provide for the needs of their families, President Gordon B. Hinckley has said: “Do the very best you can. I hope that if you are employed full-time you are doing it to ensure that basic needs are met and not simply to indulge a taste for an elaborate home, fancy cars, and other luxuries.”

Mothers have primary responsibility to nurture children, and fathers are to preside, provide, and protect. But these roles are not exclusive. Husbands and wives are to share as equal partners in the responsibilities of parenthood and help each other in a spirit of selfless sacrifice.

The divine design to give mothers and fathers different primary responsibilities in the family reflects certain eternal differences between men and women. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” teaches that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” These innate differences and unique responsibilities enable a couple to come together in unity, to complement each other’s strengths and gifts, and to forge the relationship that makes an eternal family possible.

A dear friend of mine recently gave me the book, “The Mother’s Mite” by DeAnne Flynn. In it she states: I believe most mothers, regardless of where we do our laundry or kneel to pray, are inherently givers. I doubt any of the women I admire would ever tell you they’re changing the world…albeit one child at a time. And why? Because we mothers tend to downplay our enormously vital responsibilities-often describing them as just “no big deal.”

But mothering is a very big deal.

In fact, it is a rare woman who truly comprehends the immensity of motherhood before jumping in. Few of us initially grasp the fact that by choosing to become mothers, we are not only opting for a highly diverse range of job descriptions, we are also selecting a highly diverse life-one filled with unexpected bumps, peaks, valley, and many tight turns. But it seems no matter which of the wonderful and varied stages of motherhood we are currently experiencing, there is at least one constant.

And that’s questioning ourselves.

One minute we mothers are questioning if we’re doing enough for our children, and the next we find ourselves questioning if we’re doing too much! Most of us are especially concerned with what we could or should be doing to prepare these up-and-coming adults for the bigger, long-term picture, yet we tend to discount or underestimate our contributions to the less exciting, daily grind.

Take a moment to recall the New Testament story of the selfless woman who offered up her memorable widow’s mites. The Apostles Mark and Luke describe the superficially miniscule contribution made by this humble woman who possessed such great faith that she gave “all her living” in order to wholly honor her God.

And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, that this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which gave cast into the treasury (Mark 12:42-43).

It was Passover. The temple court was no doubt crowded and chaotic. As Jesus sat teaching beyond the inner court of the temple, He noticed an impoverished woman approaching one of the trumpet-shaped vessels supplied for the charitable contributions of worshippers. Ahead of this poor woman had been several proud, wealthy people who had thrown large sums of money into the vessels-which had probably made a very loud and very obvious sound for all to hear. But as this widow approached, Jesus discerned the hearts of those in the tithing procession. He called to His disciples and pointed to the woman, saying, “This poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury”-even though she had only given two mites, the smallest coins then in circulation throughout Palestine.

Obviously, this committed woman believed in great miracles and trusted that God would somehow provide. And she must have made her offering out of love, rather than a need for external praise or recognition, since her contribution seems so very unimpressive on the surface. Notably, more than two thousand years later, this simple story is still being told and retold to illustrate the type of faith and unselfishness we would each do well to develop.

There is a similar story (though rarely told) about another generous woman who also sought to make a charitable offering…

And there came a certain weary woman of Syracuse and she threw in two frozen pizzas, which made a meal. And her husband did call unto him their children and saith unto them, “Verily, I say unto you, your compassionate mother hath cast more into the oven than you have.” And they did value her offering because they knew she did give it unto them with all the energy she had left on that exceedingly taxing eve. Therefore, providing dinner for her family at that arduous hour was indeed…a mother’s mite.

How similar to these women is each of us who seek to give, only to realize that our offerings are nothing short of meager? And, like them, we just might become tempted to compare our contributions to those of others, seeing ours as mere pittances when judged against the grand offerings of so many seemingly more able all around us.

Today, thanks to media and competitive lifestyles, there is a universal misconception that bigger is somehow better; that life is better for the woman next door. But, I truly believe that it’s very often the little things that make the biggest difference in our lives and the lives of our family members. It’s those outwardly insignificant things we usually take for granted, those small mother’s mites, we can give to share a feeling of love and comfort in our homes.

For me, a mother’s mite is tucking my children into bed, telling them a silly story or a memory from my childhood, singing a song and then kissing them goodnight. For you, a mother’s mite might be pointing out the Big Dipper while lying on your back lawn at night. These moments are the precious stuff life is made of. While many fortunate women seem to be drenched in such moments, others of us find them difficult to generate-or even to simply recognize.

It’s puzzling that we mothers, grandmothers, leaders and caregivers, regardless of how generous or unselfish we become, rarely catch sight of how truly significant we are in the moment-making process! We are all too tempted to view our ordinary, daily contributions as an endless string of undersized tasks, none of which seems at all worthy of any special consideration.

BUT THEY ARE.

Early in my marriage, I would resent my husband’s question around dinnertime, “So, what did you do today?” I wasn’t ashamed of my duties, but they seemed trivial and minor to even mention. Did he really want to hear about changing diapers, cleaning up spills, and doing multiple loads of laundry? What I failed to recognize was that I had actually accomplished something enormously worthwhile by the end of each day-no matter how many dirty dishes were still stacked in my kitchen sink.

I HAD MOTHERED.

But somehow I tended to concentrate on my undone tasks or those areas that desperately needed improvement. I was buying into that familiar fallacy that my offerings had to be grand to be great and that small meant insignificant. I have come to realize that what I thought at the time were merely minor gestures, given affectionately to my children without a great deal of thought or planning, were actually little mother’s mites. Most mothers do these things on a continual basis, usually without ever realizing it. Since these warm gestures may not always feel especially important at the time they are given, it might take years for us to learn just how much these seemingly ordinary contributions mattered in the lives of those we love.

Mother’s Mites are the Offerings of:

Trust, Nurturance, Great Memories, Comforting, Attention, Zeal, Optimism, Family Legacy, Sheer Delight, Unusual Adventure, Thoughtfulness, Patriotism, A Significant Symbol, Human Touch, Nourishment, Creative Fun, Consideration, Effort, Reassurance, Empathy, Example, Goodwill, Self-Sufficiency, Taking Action, Joy, Patience, Generosity, and Renewed Hope.

What does it mean to give our all? Does it mean we must give until we’re totally empty, completely spent and all used up?

It’s no secret that we mothers have a demanding, often exhausting 24/7 job. And for many women, “The joys of motherhood are never fully experienced until the children are all in bed.” So, if we want to be completely honest with one another, weighing our own efforts against those of a poor widow who was willing to offer up the very last cent she had might naturally make us feel overwhelmed and intimidated, not inspired!

But we can each find renewed hope, strength, and joy as we recommit to giving our all, which is merely our best, as mothers, grandmothers, and leaders to this incredible rising generation.

We can each defend ourselves against that all-too-familiar feeling that we’re not doing enough, that we’re not measuring up, and that in “losing ourselves” we are essentially losing our very selves. And we can each take comfort in the fact that by simply trying to give, little by little, we will succeed in making a positive difference-even if we often fall short of our lofty goals.

No mother gives her all-all of the time. It’s simply not possible. But like the widow of old, if we merely give what we have we will find great peace in feeling we have offered well.

Jeffrey R Holland reassuringly confirmed, “If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.” And in trying to be the very best parents we can be, let us pause often to celebrate and savor our small successes, to delight in the little things we do well, and to lift other nurturers who walk beside us along this bumpy path of parenting.

Why do our smallest efforts matter?

Because even our poorest, most pathetic little offerings can have a profoundly powerful effect upon the lives of those we love! All those teensy, measly, miniscule mother’s mites we find ourselves wondering about really do make a positive difference. Partnered with the Priesthood, with our husbands, Motherhood is of the most importance to our Father in Heaven.

If my mother where hear, I would want to say:

Mom,

Your gentle guidance has immeasurably influenced all that I have done, all that I do, and all that I will ever do. Your sweet, sassy spirit is indelibly imprinted on all that I have been, all that I am, and all that I will ever be. Thus you are a part of all that I accomplish and all that I become.

And so it is that when I help my neighbor, your helping hand is there also. When I ease the pain of a friend, she owes a debt to you. When I show a child a better way, you are the teacher once removed. Because everything I do reflects the values learned from you. Any wrong that I right, any heart I may brighten, any gift that I share or burden I may lighten is, in its own small way, a tribute to you, Mom.

Because you gave me life and, more importantly, lessons in how to live, you are the spring from which flows all the good I may achieve in my time here on earth. For all that you are, and all that I am, thank you.

Thank you for my life.

At LDS.org the church has a special Mother’s Day video under Mormon Messages, its title is To Every Mother.

Every time a child is born, so is a Mother. An eternal bond is formed. As you grow, your mother is there. There to tuck you in, to cheer you up. There to teach, there to send you off, and to listen when you call. There to encourage you as you explore, create and dance the night away. There to encourage, to build faith. There by your side, when others have left you. There in good times and hard times. There in the details of daily life. Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother. This mother’s day thank the women who have loved, mentored, and mothered you. And this I do in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

So I made it all the way through my talk without crying ~

a bet Dan never thought I would ever win!